Mind games

For decorated University of Redlands cross country athlete Chloe Bullock ’25, competitive running had become more than just a sport – it had become her identity and was impacting her mental health. 

“I had a good [cross country] season my sophomore year and started to attach my identity and how I thought other people viewed me with how well I performed,” Bullock, a major in the Health, Medicine, and Society program, Hunsaker scholar, and two-time NCAA cross country championship qualifier said.

Battling with this perception, Bullock hit pause on competing and spent a semester studying abroad in Granada, Spain. While away, she had the opportunity to “run and just enjoy it.” Though still worried about the sport and not being able to “come back and perform” as well as during her sophomore year, Bullock realized her friends cared more about the version of her that wasn’t competing in cross country.

“Coming back, I realized how much the team cared about me regardless of how I did,” Bullock said about the sentiment she also shared for her teammates. “I know we had that the entire time, but realizing that I have such a big community, that people want to be around me, want me to be on the team because of my personality and because of who I am off the track, was a big deal for me in racing. I've got an awesome team who supports me, and I'm super lucky because there's a lot of people who don't have that.”

One of those teammates and Bullock’s best friend, Abigail (AJ) Johnson ’25, had a similar experience with her mental health.

“My first year was hard,” Johnson, a major in the Communication Sciences and Disorders program and Massachusetts native said. “For almost everybody, the first year is difficult, but for me, it was challenging in that I was across the country, and I had a big impact in raising my younger siblings. I felt disconnected from them and didn't want to get up in the morning to run 10 miles.”

Having struggled with mental health in her adolescence, Johnson wasn’t surprised at feeling disconnected. She found solace in her coaches.

“Our coaching staff are incredible people, and I think that I wouldn't have stayed on the team if it wasn't for them,” Johnson said. By supporting Johnson with words of affirmation and guiding her to on-campus resources to help improve her mental health, Johnson was able to continue her athletic journey and study abroad.

“Similar to Chloe, going abroad was a big mindset shift for me,” Johnson said. “I went to Galway, Ireland, and fell back into the process of running, running alone, and for myself. I didn't have to compare myself to anybody because I was alone, running every day.

“It's so silly to attach so much self-worth to it [racing], but it's hard [not to]. For anybody, mental health is such a tricky thing, because you always feel like whatever you're struggling with is the biggest thing, but it never is. Your life is so much bigger than those small moments. As an athlete, you attach too much self-worth to your sport, instead of continuing to do it for enjoyment.”

Reflecting on their struggles with mental health, Johnson and Bullock see the community of friends, coaches, and faculty they’ve found at Redlands as something special.

“The coaches do an amazing job of making it a positive place where, no matter what happened in our day, we can show up and people will be there for us,” Bullock said. “Redlands will give you back what you put in. If you have a relationship with your professors, put yourself into clubs, or say hi to people you don't know, you'll have a community. You'll have everything that a small school like Redlands can give you.”

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